Disclaimer: If you find yourself being described in the beginning of this post, please do not be offended. It is simply because I do not feel that I can share my waiting journey without including it because it is the reason I am writing this post. But I hope that if you are one questioning, or not, you will find the answers that I have found.
Laying the ground work: For those who do not know I am engaged. I am also a dietetic student, who must complete an internship after graduating next year to be able to do anything with my degree. These internships are EXTREMELY competitive and only about 50% of applicants get accepted. Obviously this is a stressful fact of life for a dietetic student.
You may not know that I am a type A, love to have the future planned out as far ahead as possible type of person. You may know that this doesn’t always work, I cannot always plan a year or more ahead of time, which really stressed me out!
Since I have gotten engaged many people have asked where Henry and I will after we graduate and get married. My answer has always been “I don’t know yet,” or “Where ever I (hopefully) get an internship.” This answer is not always satisfying to those who ask. Well you know what? It doesn’t really satisfy me either.
To be honest, if I had a say in it we would already know where we are going to work and live for the next several years. But that is not realistic, and that is OKAY! It is okay for us to not know right now, or even right before we get married. It is okay for me to be turned down for an internship, wait a year and reapply. It is okay for us to not get a job in our field right away. It is all okay.
In fact it is more than just okay, it is actually normal! Most college grads have no idea what they will be doing Monday after graduation. I hope to not be one of those people because it might drive me insane, but I know if I am it will all be okay.
I keep saying it will all be okay, but how do I know this? I know this because I have started this journey of waiting. Waiting for a plan, for answers, for a place to live after marrying the love of my life. If I am honest with myself, this journey is about so much more than waiting.
This journey of waiting, is really about trusting. Trusting and know that God will provide everything Henry and I need. This whole thing is about learning to trust God to be the provider of the things He knows we need, not the things we think we need.
I am learning to trust that God will provide Henry with a job to support us because I will be unable to work if I get an internship. Or if I get turned down that God is telling me this is not what He has planned. That there are greater things in store for me if I just trust him.
My journey is not a journey I am on by myself. Henry is walking with me, supporting and encouraging me every step of the way. Reminding me when I forget, that God has a plan and has and will continue to provide that things that we need. The best part of this journey with him is that we get to pray together for guidance. Guidance that we might know where I should apply or where to go if I don’t get one. We just need guidance to know where God wants us to be.
I know what you are thinking, isnt everyone on this journey of waiting too? How is your journey any different from other dietetic students? The answer is that it is not. The only thing different might be that some of us are single while others, like myself, aren’t. We have someone else we have to consider in all of this. So really my journey is not unique.
However, my journey may be unique because instead of choosing to worry about the results, which I cannot control and will not know for about a year, I have chosen to trust God in all of this. While again, this may not seem unique, it is for me. Trusting God and giving the situation into His hands is something I struggle with. Yes, being a type A person it is hard for me to release control of a situation. But I am actively choosing this on a daily basis.
So even if I am accepted to an internship the first time applying it will not make me say “see I had nothing to worry about” because if I had not been worrying to begin with, I would have not learned anything. I have chosen to see this process not as an application and waiting process, but as a waiting and learning to trust process.
So while Henry and I have absolutely no idea where we will be after we get married, and will not be able to until next April. However, we do know one thing. We know that God is constantly providing the things we need and He isn’t going to stop anytime soon.
If you ask us where we will be once we get married we will not have answer for you, because we have no answer ourselves. We have no answer ourselves because we are on a journey of waiting, trusting, and praying. Right now we are just trying to enjoy the journey together.